Communication is the glue of all relationships. It is the foundation of human connection. I would like to highlight why teaching children communication from a young age is so important and how it can help them throughout their lives.
Teaching communication skills helps children express their feelings in a healthy way, nurture relationships, and gain confidence. It also develops empathy within them. I am sure all parents, including myself, would want to see these qualities in our children.
Communication has many aspects, and it is not possible to cover all of them in a single essay. So, I would like to focus on one aspect today: conflicts.
I find this particularly important because our children will have to face conflicts throughout their lives. They can happen at home, at school, or at any time during our interactions with other people. In fact, conflicts are a part of our everyday lives.
Learning to manage conflicts teaches children how to express the feelings that arise during difficult situations, such as anger, frustration, or sadness. They can learn that healthy conflict can actually strengthen relationships because it involves working against a problem, not against each other. This is a very important social skill that children can carry with them throughout their lives.
There are three ways we can respond when a conflict arises:
Aggressive: The goal is to win the conflict.
Passive: The goal is to avoid the conflict.
Assertive: The goal is mutuality — finding common ground where everyone’s feelings and needs are considered.
Sharing a situation can make it easier to understand and apply these different responses.
For example, Maya is hit by a Lego block thrown by her friend, Lisa.
Aggressive Response:
“How dare you hit me? You are stupid!”
Lisa immediately starts defending herself: “How do you know I did it on purpose?”
Both of them are now trying to win the argument. Neither is really listening to or considering the other person’s feelings or perspective.
Passive Response:
Maya doesn’t say anything after Lisa hits her. While avoiding the conflict may seem easier, Maya is not expressing how she feels or setting a boundary. Over time, this can make her feel that her thoughts and feelings do not matter.
Assertive Response:
“Lisa, I don’t like being hit. Maybe you did it for fun, but I got hurt. Please don’t hit me again. I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding between us.”
Lisa then puts her guard down and says, “I’m sorry, Maya, for hurting you.”
This response does not mean that Maya ignores what happened or suppresses her feelings. Instead, she communicates her feelings clearly and respectfully while also giving Lisa an opportunity to understand and respond.
When we, as parents, learn to differentiate between these three responses and practice the art of communicating assertively, it can help us communicate better with our children. More importantly, we can teach our children how to express their emotions in a respectful way rather than reacting impulsively.
Our effort to build assertiveness in children can help them develop the ability to stand up for themselves while also caring for the feelings and needs of others.
And these are skills they can carry with them—not only through childhood, but throughout their lives.